Depressief

I'm just guna rant on how sad I am, I won't talk on the specific situation that makes me emotionally weak because it might result to me crying while making this post. I'm just going to talk about materialistic things to keep the worse situation out of my head. I don't care if you call me shallow on being sad because of material things. It's how I channel my depression. 

So yes, I've been too busy with school I no longer really have time for myself. I wish I had enough money to go on a shopping spree because I badly need new clothes, and it's some way of rewarding myself of a day's hard work. I wish I had a smaller fit body to fit the cheap clothes they sell here. Since I'm half European, my built is bigger sigh. I wish I had a part time job, I can't wait for my first pay check, I swear to God I'll spend it on clothes and things I've been longing to want. It's tiring trying NOT to eat as much just to save money for clothes, what's sad is that the money I save in one week equals only to prolly one piece of clothing which somehow keeps me depressed. I think I'm saving for my Eurotrip, I'll buy clothes there even if they are hella expensive, at least I'll have a lot of memories with those clothes.  I hope my Dad would give me an allowance since in going to Holland, before I left he only gave me 30 euros which is really not enough to last more than a month. I wish I knew how to sew clothes though, if I could I would definitely make my own clothes and be fucking fabulous people would be jealous.lol.

Damn. when I think about it, I'm so young, I have yet so much to do besides wasting my time on schoolwork. I have to go out a lot, have a good time. But look at me right now, I'm wasting my friday night, saturday night and the whole Sunday doing schoolwork. Makes me realize that I'm such a loser, that I do not have a social life. I'm seriously wasting my youth. But I can't help it if I don't do what my parents want I don't know what would be left of me. Last night I had a crazy idea of getting a tattoo, like no lie, I really want to get one. The problem is where and who will go with me. I already got the design of the tattoo and where I want it. I wish my friend from Aussie or Wisconsin was here, I'd be happy to bring them with me while I get my first tattoo. Hopefully I'll get it before I turn 19, since I want my 18th year of existence to be badass, since I've done two things that totally is idk.lol. So the next three months, I'm guna let out my insanity

End